I could, and probably should, go on and on about all the things I love about him, and all the ways he's changed my life and the course of my (what is now a) family. But for now, the one thing I want to focus on is the kind of bemusing way that I've come to accept that all the cliches about parenthood are true, even though me-from-two-years-ago would dismiss that.
There truly is no sound better than his laugh. A few months ago, before laughing became regular, we would talk about how excited we were to find out what it sounded like. What would provoke it? Would it be a hearty belly laugh or a high pitched giggle? We got some good smiles from him and some little snorts here and there, and then we would proceed to try and replicate the exact actions we were doing that elicited the noises. And then one day it just clicked and he started giggling, and I was able to snag this photo, which at the time I thought was my favorite photo ever (and still might be). I could look at this every day and it'd make me happy.
The other cliche that fits is that parenting is really hard, but that I'd never trade it for anything. There was a three or four week period when he was maybe 2 or 3 months old where he screamed his head off every night from about 6 PM - 8 PM, when we were trying to give him his nighttime bottle and lay him down to bed. It tested every level of patience and calm that I had, and I consider myself a pretty calm person. It was really hard. It stressed on me and it stressed Siobhan because of how snappy I was towards her. As much as I love him, it made it hard to want to sit there and witness it because nothing I was doing was helping to settle him down. But all the same, we would wake up the next day to his adorable, smiling face, and all of that pain would melt away like it didn't matter anymore. I didn't forget about it, and I still haven't forgotten about it, but ultimately it doesn't change what we have with him. When he's happy, it washes away all of the frustrations of when he's cranky or difficult. And I don't think people should be too prideful to say that selfishly it feels really good to make another person (as small as he might be) laugh or smile. When he sees me and smiles because it's me, that is an unbelievable feeling. I could forgive him for anything in that moment. (Sometimes I think parents are too quick to mention how much they love to give to their kids, as if it's a completely selfless act of sacrifice, when there are a ton of great things to get at the same time.)
And the last thing that I've really spent some time thinking about this week, with good reason, is that it's just mindblowing how amazing women are when they become mothers. I can't get over all of the things that Siobhan has done in the last two years, preparing herself for this, carrying him and growing him, delivering him, and nurturing and caring for him. And it's not like it's out of left field or anything -- she was a teacher, a heavily experienced babysitter and aunt, and would happily listen to her friends who were new moms. She certainly checked off all the boxes that suggested she would be really good at the whole mom thing, but that doesn't mean watching it unfold has been any less mesmerizing. As a man, my initial reaction when I see pregnant women or women with very small children is, "I literally can't even imagine what it's like to give birth or be a mother." It's hard to even fathom how it's possible. And it's not like Siobhan got a masters degree on how to become a mom, but I still view her as having that kind of expertise. She'd be the first to tell you that a lot of it is biology and hormones, they just kind of kick in at times when you need them, and she'll tell me she doesn't even know why she feels something but she does and chalks it up to mom instincts. But that's just the first step. I might have some instinctual beliefs about how to do something in the course of my day, but if I mess up, there typically isn't a human life at stake. Siobhan has had the confidence to follow through on her instincts, and the ability to make changes if something isn't working right. She reads lots of articles and talks to lots of other moms (and pediatricians, and pediatricians who are moms) about things, so it's not like she's uninformed from outside sources. But ultimately I end up asking her what she wants me to do with Nolan and just going with it, because whatever mom brain she's developed for herself is working great.
The amount of time and attention she's dedicated to him is absolutely priceless. Before he was born, she had made up her mind that she was going to take a few months off and then go back to work at the end of the winter. It seemed like a reasonable plan, but after going through birth and the first few months, she felt like it was the right move to just stay home for the first year. I was pretty nervous about how it was going to go at first, me working from home, the two of them in the house one room over. And I didn't want her staying home to be with Nolan to derail her from any career advancements she was working towards. It was also taking away some income from us, at a time when I was nervous that we were going to need it. But it has worked out great. She's gone the extra mile and taken in a second baby a few days a week, and we've recently started bringing in some side money with more dogsitting during the day. And all throughout that time, she's devoted her time to Nolan. She gets up with him once or twice a night, every night, to feed him. She's up with him when he wakes up in the morning. She takes him to the gym with her, she takes him for runs. She's been his food source, his cleaning crew, his personal chef, his teacher, and his best friend. I don't want to minimized the decisions that any family makes for their interests -- some people need to return to work as soon as possible and put their kids in daycare, some people are able to take more time and keep their kids at home. They are equally valid options. Whatever decisions people make for the well being of their children (and their own well being, let's not forget), I wouldn't question them. After all, we have already gone through the process of deciding to send Nolan to daycare, it just didn't work out that way (or didn't work out that way yet). But after experiencing what we've gone through, I wouldn't want it to have happened any other way. I think it's going to be hard for her to make the decision to go back to work at some point and not be with him during the day. It's going to be hard for me, too. I work, so I'm not the one full-time responsible for him during work hours, but it's been so great for me to have them at home, where I can go and hang out and see him and help out whenever possible. It's the best of both worlds. I know he's getting the best care possible and I also get to sneak in time to spend with him during the day.
It's hard to even remember what our daily routine was like before Nolan, but at this point I'm just so eternally impressed and grateful to have Siobhan be the rock of the family. Neither of us like to refer to my solo time with Nolan as "daddy duty" or "babysitting" (cringe), because I am equally his parent and taking care of my own child does not qualify as babysitting (hat-tip Jeff). But I have had several stretches where I've been alone with him and had to get him dinner, bath, and bedtime without Siobhan around to add a second pair of hands, and it is honestly quite tiring. Yet there are countless days where she's the one watching after him, and while she is exhausted or sore at the end of many days, she just proceeds to get up the next day and carry on with it as if it's just part of the routine. She very rarely hands him off to me to take an hour for herself, even though she'd be well within her rights to do so, we all need time to decompress. She's just committed to doing what's best for Nolan at all hours of the day, and that mainly means tiring herself out in the process. I just can't picture what these last 8 months would have looked like without Nolan by her side all day, and I feel really lucky that he's received so much love from his ever-doting mama. He's such a great little boy, and part of that is just his personality, but the other part of it is because he's given the care he deserves.
It's a little surreal to be celebrating this first real Mother's Day with my wife, when, even though we're thankful and appreciative of the other mothers that we have in our lives, now the main focus has been shifted to her. I look forward to countless future Mother's Days where Nolan is able to express how much Siobhan means to him directly.
And lastly, I just want to express that, even though motherhood has been so great for Siobhan, I love the fact that she hasn't been consumed by it. She's still the same person that I fell in love with and married. She's back into running a lot and completed another half marathon recently, even running faster times than she did pre-pregnancy. She still listens to her true crime podcasts while she cleans the house -- though she's also gotten pretty into some mom comedy recently. We still like laughing at the same movies and shows together, or looking at cute dogs on shelter websites. And we still enjoy a delicious dinner out, though we've quickly gotten accustomed to 5:45 seatings to accommodate Nolan's schedule. All in all, I'd say these first 8 months with him couldn't have gone any better. Having him in our life has been a wonderful addition more than it has been a daunting change.
Happy Mother's Day.
It's hard to even remember what our daily routine was like before Nolan, but at this point I'm just so eternally impressed and grateful to have Siobhan be the rock of the family. Neither of us like to refer to my solo time with Nolan as "daddy duty" or "babysitting" (cringe), because I am equally his parent and taking care of my own child does not qualify as babysitting (hat-tip Jeff). But I have had several stretches where I've been alone with him and had to get him dinner, bath, and bedtime without Siobhan around to add a second pair of hands, and it is honestly quite tiring. Yet there are countless days where she's the one watching after him, and while she is exhausted or sore at the end of many days, she just proceeds to get up the next day and carry on with it as if it's just part of the routine. She very rarely hands him off to me to take an hour for herself, even though she'd be well within her rights to do so, we all need time to decompress. She's just committed to doing what's best for Nolan at all hours of the day, and that mainly means tiring herself out in the process. I just can't picture what these last 8 months would have looked like without Nolan by her side all day, and I feel really lucky that he's received so much love from his ever-doting mama. He's such a great little boy, and part of that is just his personality, but the other part of it is because he's given the care he deserves.
It's a little surreal to be celebrating this first real Mother's Day with my wife, when, even though we're thankful and appreciative of the other mothers that we have in our lives, now the main focus has been shifted to her. I look forward to countless future Mother's Days where Nolan is able to express how much Siobhan means to him directly.
And lastly, I just want to express that, even though motherhood has been so great for Siobhan, I love the fact that she hasn't been consumed by it. She's still the same person that I fell in love with and married. She's back into running a lot and completed another half marathon recently, even running faster times than she did pre-pregnancy. She still listens to her true crime podcasts while she cleans the house -- though she's also gotten pretty into some mom comedy recently. We still like laughing at the same movies and shows together, or looking at cute dogs on shelter websites. And we still enjoy a delicious dinner out, though we've quickly gotten accustomed to 5:45 seatings to accommodate Nolan's schedule. All in all, I'd say these first 8 months with him couldn't have gone any better. Having him in our life has been a wonderful addition more than it has been a daunting change.
Happy Mother's Day.
