#077 - Be Selfish. Adopt a Dog.

It's been my long-held belief that a lot of the good that people do is driven by selfishness. I don't mean all of it -- parents who sacrifice their free time and their energy to work long hours and provide for their families; men and women in uniform both domestically and abroad who are wounded, traumatized, or killed in service of the greater good; or for that matter, anyone who gives their lives in defense of someone else -- we'd all agree that these things are true altruism. I'm talking about the rest of the stuff. Donating time or money, posting videos of yourself doing the latest awareness challenge, volunteering to help with a food drive or a blood drive. This is all really good stuff, and it's important that people participate, but the reason why people continue to promote this type of behavior is because it FEELS GOOD. A lot of people are wired in such a way that helping others out makes them feel great. You may think that I'm knocking this, or trying to be cynical, but I wish I could convince you that I'm not. I just think there should be a little bit more transparency about this kind of thing. People will give celebrities a lot of grief if they volunteer their hours and get some publicity about it. What should matter is not the reason behind the good deeds, but the actual good deeds that are getting done. If you're the type of person who likes to contribute to a cause and then post to Facebook about it because you want people to know that you care, then just own up to that -- but whatever you do, keep doing it. We want everyone to fit into this perfect box of humble, silent do-gooder who wants no attention for themselves and does everything out of the kindness of their own heart. It's just not feasible. We should celebrate the fact that sometimes people do really nice things because it fulfills a selfish desire they have to feel good about themselves.

So what does this have to do with dogs?

I never had a dog growing up. Few of my very close friends had dogs, so the opinion that I formulated about them was something like, "They're cool, but they are absolutely not an essential part of life." After all, I lived a pretty good life for a long time without a dog. The first time I truly connected with a dog was when I was in high school. Every time I went to my friend Shannon's house, I would try my best to get her dog Roxy to give me attention. Your standard reverse dog-human relationship. But it's a weird personality trait of mine, that I probably never would have admitted before -- I want dogs, little kids, and moms to like me. I can't explain it, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong if they don't.

Eventually it came to be that I would make a point of spending time with all of my friends' dogs. It still never really crossed my mind that I would want to have one myself, I never went begging to my dad to get a dog, it seemed like the ship on that had sailed. I was heading to college and my sisters were out of the house as well, not the ideal environment for any pet. But there was something about the expressiveness of dogs that I enjoyed. When they were happy, it was so easy to see. Even the speed of a tail-wag was noticeable, and it made me feel good to see those tails whipping back and forth.

Tino, Beezer, and Wellie

When I first met Siobhan, she had three dogs at her house. Wellie was the big, playful goof. Tino was the tiny troublemaker, always peeing on the floor and nipping at people's heels. Beezer was the snaggletoothed old grump. She and her family were real dog people, and it was nice to be around that. We talked early on about having a dog of our own, especially when we formally moved in together, but I was hesitant about leaving a dog alone all day, or always having to come back home to let it outside. I didn't want the dog's life to interfere with mine, but at the same time, I just also wasn't so sure that I would love a dog as much when it was there all the time. It's kind of like babies -- if you watch one for ten minutes, you get to hold them and make them laugh, but if you have one overnight you see the real struggles that come along with them as well. Still, we'd see dogs for adoption in the windows of local pet stores, or we'd walk past the dog park on our way home to watch them playing, and it became hard not to want one.

I was slowly coming around to the idea of us getting a dog when Siobhan decided enough was enough and pushed me over the edge. We found Alfie almost out of coincidence. We saw a dog at a community event in Ritttenhouse Square one day, and the dog was small, didn't shed, super cute, and well trained. To me, it seemed like, if any dog was a match, this was the dog. Apparently 60 other people thought so too, and we were somewhere near the end of the list. It prompted us to take a trip to the shelter at Morris Animal Refuge to see who else was available, and Siobhan took interest in a smaller sized, raggedy looking dog with cream colored fur and hair practically covering his eyes. His name was Max and he was 5 years old. The shelter told us that dogs more than a couple years old didn't do well in shelters, many people were under the impression that they were old and would die soon. But he was a mixed breed, small sized dog, who could have a very long life in a good home as long as he was cared for. I was hesitant, but the look in Siobhan's eye was powerful. It was different than holding a puppy in the pet store. Here was a dog who told us that he needed us. He had a funny habit of lifting his front paws up and stepping around on his back legs, so he could see out the window, to his favorite staff member, Herman. Herman was outside spraying down the patio, and Max just wanted to see what was going on. He seemed funny and energetic, and we couldn't walk away without signing our names to the paper.

Alfie's first night with us

His name's Alfie now, and if you know anything about me, you're very familiar with him. Just writing about that day 3 years ago is bringing tears to my eyes. He turned out to be not so energetic -- he sleeps a good 20 hours a day and doesn't even sniff the many toys we've purchased for him. And all the floppy, shaggy hair he had when we first got him has changed now that he's on a regular grooming schedule, to the point where pictures of him from his first days look wildly different to us.

It turns out I was right about some of the challenges that owning a dog brings. It's heartbreaking to leave him home alone, like we did for 7 hours a day in Philly. He would cry and bark and pee on the floor, and it caused an issue with our neighbor and our building. We put him through the wringer of every anxiety-relieving tool on the market, and they all failed, some worse than others. And we certainly had to duck out of get-togethers early to make sure he was okay, and we always have a tough time leaving him for more than a day or two at a time.

Alfie looking a bit more dapper

But what he brings to us is so much more than that, and for me, it's often framed in a way that makes me realize how much better MY LIFE is with him. When I look at him, passed out on the couch like he is a good 8 hours a day, it gives me all the warm, loving feelings. When I see him playing gently with a dog at the park or in the yard, I almost jump up and down (in part because this so rarely happens). Nobody likes to invest in hundreds of dog poop bags, but taking Alfie out for a walk 3 or 4 times a day is one of my favorite things to do, and cleaning up after him is part of the deal. Even when I have to pay hefty vet bills or hold his head while he's getting his latest round of shots, I'm reminded of how important it is to take care of him so that he can continue to bring joy to my life. Here's a dog who, 3 years ago, was confined to sleeping in a crate every night. And we can only guess what his life was like before that. Now, he has a cozy spot in the middle of a queen-sized bed pressed up against the warmth of his family. When Siobhan and I are out of town and don't have him with us, there's a hell of a lot more room in the bed, but there's also a missing 17-pound fluff ball who causes us to look at each other and say, "I hope he's having a good night."

We've made several friends specifically because we have a dog, and we've met at the dog park or out for a walk. Between Alfie and Siobhan's outgoing personality, it's made me much more comfortable talking to people I pass on the street, something that I never would have done 5 years ago. And we feel particularly bonded with our other friends who have dogs, because we can share stories and pictures together, and we get excited to go see them and spend time with their dogs, just as they are excited to see Alfie.

It doesn't just all magically happen. You don't get a dog to be an accessory, you don't get a dog just to be there when you get home from work. But if you're willing to go all in on it, and you're willing to take the steps necessary to provide a good life for your pet, the dividends that you get in return are innumerable.

Many people are judgmental about adopting dogs versus getting them from a breeder. As of right now, I know that I would strongly advocate adopting, but I try not to let my personal feelings affect how I view others. In many cases, dog breeding is a dangerous and careless practice, which leads to overrun puppy mills and females who are over-bred and kicked to the curb. But a lot of the time, breeders are incredibly careful and loving. They want to produce good dogs that people are going to love. You just have to make sure you're going to the right place. All that matters in the end is that you're treating the dog right, and you're giving it a good home.

If you're in the market, though, I would highly suggest that you take at least one trip to the shelter, just to see if there's one there that captures your attention. You can find all kinds of dogs in the shelter -- even fancy designer breeds like cockapoos. And adopting a dog from a shelter even gives you the self-esteem boost of telling people that he or she is a rescue. (But if you can, please don't. The term "rescue" is almost losing its meaning with how often people boast about it.) It's amazing the positive difference you can make by taking one of these dogs and giving it a good, loving home. And it's equally amazing the positive difference that dog can make in your life. So please, give your conscience a rest and open your mind to the possibilities of selfish behavior. Adopt a dog.