#073 - PHL --> CLT

Over the past two months, we've seen a lot of blank stares when people ask us to tell them why we're moving to Charlotte. Naturally, it must be for a job. Or for family. Or for school. Something simple like that. It certainly hasn't been that simple, just trying to explain in one or two words why we decided to move, and most of the time saying "Because we want to" doesn't seem to do the trick.

I've probably explained it to a few people before, but the concept is pretty straightforward: we came and visited, and liked it, and decided to do it. There were many more steps in the path here, but that was the gist. Throughout late winter we spent a heck of a lot of time looking at houses in the Philadelphia suburbs to purchase and move out of the city. We wanted to be close to family, close to the city, but in a house with more than one bedroom that we could actually afford. So we narrowed our choices and started looking along the Main Line outside Philly, and found a handful of houses that we really liked.

Eventually we pulled the trigger on a 4-bedroom house in Bryn Mawr that was a very reasonable price. But the process was rushed, we had to put an offer in on it quickly because it was a low price for the area and we wanted to beat everyone to the punch. When the offer was accepted, we knew we would have to put in some time to make sure 100% that this was going to be the house for us. So we went to take another visit and spend some time there, and in the neighborhood. Some concerns started to come up, like a number of renovations we'd like to have done and the fact that the house had no yard and was alongside a number of run-down older homes. There were incredibly narrow sidewalks and cars zooming down the street much faster than they should have been, but the house was still big and was only steps away from a neighborhood park. When we went through the inspection and found we'd need to make several changes to the roof and to some plumbing, it further cemented our sinking feeling that maybe this wasn't the right thing for us to do. We weren't certain that this was the house we wanted to be in for the next 5 years. We couldn't dedicate that much time and money to a place that didn't feel like home.

I felt like a real jerk backing out on a housing contract, but many things I read assured me that it's a common thing to do and that we shouldn't feel bad because it's a huge decision. My sister, who was our realtor during the process, made me feel more comfortable by handling it all and convincing me that our happiness was more important than sticking with the agreement. So we withdrew. $600 down for paying for the inspection, but in the end, it saved us from living in a place we weren't sure we liked.

After that whole experience, we were kind of a crossroads. We were coming up on the end of a lease in our condo in Philadelphia, which was great but had only one open-walled bedroom with no doors and no space at all for guests. It was time to move, but we wanted to take a break from looking for houses for a bit. It just so happened that we had a trip scheduled in early April to visit Charlotte, NC and Columbia, SC for Siobhan's birthday. She had signed up for a half marathon in Columbia where we could meet up with her friend, and her cousin lives in Charlotte where we wanted to go visit. So we flew into Charlotte and drove to Columbia for the race, then came back to Charlotte to spend the rest of the weekend. Her cousin Silver and Silver's husband Jesse were very kind to host us. They did a good job of showing us around a couple of neighborhoods and took us into the city center for dinner and a baseball game. The weather was great and we met a ton of very friendly people, many of whom had just recently moved to Charlotte. It's in the midst of a boom the last few years with banking pulling in tons of new employees and job transfers to the area, and there are apartment buildings going up on every corner.

In talking to some of these people, whether it be out at bars or restaurants or a dog park bar (that's a bar mixed with an off-leash dog park, basically the best thing ever), we heard the same thing coming out of everyone's mouths: "You should just move down here, you'll love it." It was kind of a nice thought at first, "Yeah, we could totally move down here, why not?" And then it became, "Well, why not? Really?" We saw a sign for an open house in the neighborhood and walked to go check it out. The house was beautiful and the realtor was very nice, offering to talk to us more if we'd like to discuss a possible relocation.

Walking back from the open house, we talked about it, the reality of doing it, whether we'd be able to secure jobs or keep jobs or afford it generally. Then over the next few days we talked about it some more. Whether we'd be okay leaving the friends and family we had in the Philadelphia area. Whether Alfie would enjoy it. (On that one we were pretty certain it was a 'yes'.) Ultimately the feeling was that we'd have to do it band-aid style: just go with it and stop deliberating the possibilities. If you know me at all, I think you'd understand how difficult I found that to be. I tried to stop myself from envisioning all angles--"What if we hate it?" "What if we love it???"--and the only way I was remotely able to do that was seeing how confident Siobhan was with everything. I figured, just like she figured, that if there was ever a time to do something kind of impulsive like this, it was now, while we're freshly married and without a ton of responsibility and can pack up all of our belongings into a relatively small space.

The biggest hurdle I think we had to clear was employment. Siobhan was okay with leaving her job at Penn, even though it was a pretty good one. She hoped to find another job, maybe at a university or maybe teaching at a school, since teachers were in higher demand in North Carolina than Pennsylvania. I wasn't interested in leaving my job. I'm kind of in the middle of working on everything, and knowing that there was a possibility that the move was not going to be permanent, I didn't want to throw myself into a move and a job hunt all at the same time. I was incredibly nervous to discuss it with my bosses, in part because I didn't want them to tell me that they wouldn't be okay with it and therefore we couldn't move, and in part because I was worried they'd tell me that they would be okay with it, and therefore we would move. When I finally mustered up the courage, it turned out that, yes, they were pretty surprised and certainly not thrilled, but ultimately supportive. I work for a terribly small company of only 5 people, with almost zero changes in personnel over the last 8 years, so if I were to leave it'd be a big change to handle. In the end it was easier for me to stay at my job so that I could keep doing what I was doing and knew how to do, and it was easier for them to keep me on so that they wouldn't have to worry about deciphering everything I had written since 2007.

Once we knew the move was possible, we double- and triple- and quadruple-checked ourselves that it was definitely what we wanted. And since we were doing it together, we decided it was. It's been kind of funny, so many people that we tell say, "Oh I wish I could just pick up and move like that. It'd be great." Well, it is great, but after doing it myself, I think more people definitely could. It's just something that people say, either because they don't want to sound negative, or because it's a dull excuse for them to not do something they say they'd like to. Before all of this stuff started, I was one of the last people in the world interested in moving. I love Philadelphia, both of us love Philadelphia, and we were incredibly comfortable and happy living there. We were a short drive from family and close to friends and activities and jobs. There was nothing not to like. But we had never really been out of the area. And the chance to do something like this wouldn't be around forever. At the risk of sounding like some fluffy life counselor, moving gives you a chance to learn a little bit more about yourself. Will you keep doing the activities that you were doing before, or will you find new ones? For me, it was almost essential to find a basketball league as soon as I could, and 24 hours after arriving here, I was in the gym playing pickup with a bunch of strangers. It's something that I'd probably go crazy without. Siobhan was able to find a running group in the first week. Moving can give you the opportunity to learn how to talk to people you don't know, which is something that I'm working on and Siobhan is already quite good at. It's been pretty good so far for my logistical skills of learning a new place, new roads, new names. And, especially since I'm now working at home, it's given me a chance to be okay hanging out alone, or, you know, alone with just Alfie. There are a lot of positives to be gained from an experience like this, so if you're thinking, "I wish I could," well, then just do it. Or don't do it. Either way, just feel good about your decision. We would have been happy to stay in Philadelphia, and we're happy to be here in Charlotte. A year ago, I wouldn't have believed that we'd do this, but now we're in a different place and we're excited to be making the most of it.